Dating Australian Men

Welcome to my site!

 

If you have found your way here, you must have an interest in Australian men and I am guessing if you are female you might be considering what it would be like to date an Australian man.  I hate to admit it, but I know all to well and it was not even close to what I was expecting it would be like. 

 

My philosophy in life is it is never what it is cracked up to be, but that shouldn’t get us down.  I always wanted to write a book and was just waiting for the perfect inspiration.  Never would I have thought I would have found that inspiration from getting treated like absolute crap by Australian men.  I am not a fan of Australian men (really?), but I wrote my book in a humorous fashion so that my readers would laugh at my experiences rather than pity me. 

 

If you ever thought you wanted to date an Australian man, I wrote this book to warn you off and of course entertain you.  We only have one shot in life to turn our bad experiences into good and this was mine.

 

If you read the book, I hope you thoroughly enjoy it.  Comments and feedback are most desired and welcome.

 

Your loving Girlfriend,

 

MacKenzie

Not The Australian DJs Fault: Kate’s Fault

I have read a lot of opinions regarding the Australian DJ prank and the ensuing death of nurse, Jacintha Saldanha. There seem to be two sides to this argument with one being it is absolutely the DJs fault and two it is the nurse’s fault for taking a minor mistake in life way too seriously. However, I am struggling to understand why no one has blamed Kate herself.

If you really look at the chain of events, Kate is most definitely at fault for the call AND the nurse’s death. First, Kate stupidly gets pregnant after just one year and seven months of being married. That is way too early in my opinion. Couldn’t she have just enjoyed married life for a few years before popping out the first of what is sure to be a royal brood? Then, if her not getting pregnant isn’t enough, she has to get severe morning sickness which leads her to hospitalization. Of course the royal family doesn’t have the sense to keep this quiet, so Kate’s hospitalization leads to a global media frenzy. The global media frenzy, created by Kate I might add, led to Australians wanting to take the piss out of a ridiculously non-news worthy story and who could blame them. Who the hell cares about women regardless of who they are having morning sickness? It happens every damn day. I certainly don’t and clearly the Aussies didn’t either as evidenced by their piss taking call. So they placed the call and an unsuspecting nurse took the call and transferred it to her colleague. Probably due to shame and humiliation, the nurse committed suicide just a few days later. At the end of the day if Kate wouldn’t have gotten knocked up in the first place AND gone to the hospital for her condition so NOT discretely, the DJs never would have had a reason to make the call and the nurse would still be alive. Way to go Kate!

Here’s a transcript of the conversation Australian shock jocks Mel Greig and Michael Christian had with an unsuspecting nurse who was under the impression the pair was Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth.

Support for Julia Gillard’s Speech

If I could meet anyone in the world today it would be Julia Gillard.  Why?  She has wised up to the fact that men in Australia say and do whatever they want to women because they have been getting away with it forever.  I would love to clink champas glasses with her for telling that misogynistic wanker off.

 I may not be Australian, but I am all too familiar with Australian men.  Living and working in Sydney in a past life unfortunately gave me the opportunity to meet my fair share of Australian men.  I must say I am not a fan for the primary reason that “Shelias” rank at the bottom of their totem pole and Australian men are not afraid to make this very clear to women.  Calling women Shelias in and of itself makes this pretty clear.

 The concept of putting women on a pedestal is positively laughable in Australia.  A typical Australian male, take Abbott for example, thinks women should iron, not be revered, honored, and respected.  Far from being put on a pedestal by Australian men, I would have been happy to have just gotten general respect in my interactions with Australian men.  I was once told that I didn’t look like someone who went to college.  I asked the guy why and he said, “Because I have blonde hair and big tits.”  

 I can completely empathize with Gillard’s frustration of not being respected by Abbott, her own colleague, for the simple fact that she is female.  After closing one of the largest deals in my company at the time, the General Manager told me that I am meek and don’t fight hard enough.?

 In the majority of my interactions of with Australian men, I was treated condescendingly for no other reason than I am a female and therefore inferior.  My last position reporting to an Australian male was the worst.  Day in and day out this bloke would over talk me, reject all of my ideas, and make condescending remarks to make me look stupid.  Working with and for Australian men was a living nightmare.

 Among other things, Australian males have what I like to call the” Mate Preference Syndrome.”   Being dissed over a mate was a very common occurrence in my attempts to “date” during my years of living in Australia.  It would usually go something like this..

 The Guy:   “Hi MacKenzie.  I am not going to be able to hang out today.”

MacKenzie:  “Why”

The Guy:  “My mate just got tickets to the footy.”

MacKenzie: “But we had plans..”

CLICK

 I could never really figure out how anyone in Australia got married because how does a girl get to know a guy if he is always hanging out with his mates or for that matter, vice versa.  One time I got dissed so the guy could go to his mate’s mate’s birthday party.  I am pretty sure he didn’t even know the mate’s mate.  That sure really made me feel fantastic!  I used to always say if it is a choice between an Australian male hanging out with me or walking his mate’s dog he would definitely choose walking the dog. 

 One thing I did notice about the syndrome is that it doesn’t kick in until after about three weeks of dating a guy.  My joke was always the longest an Australian male can remain charming is three weeks. 

 I kid you not.  Every time I actually did date a guy, after 21 days he suddenly wanted to hang out with his mates over me and was no longer affectionate toward me.  Each time this happened I felt like I was taking a nice warm shower and out of nowhere, the water shut off without me touching the tap.   The character in my book calls this behavior Lily’s law of 3 and she explains in the book why she thinks Australian male charm is so short lived.

 In briefly recapping some of my interactions with Australian men, I haven’t even scratched the surface of the myriad of stores I have about Australian men.  If you are curious, you can read them in my book.  I can happily say that I don’t miss working with and dating Australian men.  My guess would be if all of the women mysteriously disappeared from the earth, Australian men wouldn’t even notice until the next time they felt like treating someone condescendingly.

 I hope Gillard taking a stand against Abbot’s unsavory views and treatment of women will empower more Australian women to say shape up or ship out.

Things to do In Sydney

If you have read my book you probably think I didn’t have any fun down under and spent my days lamenting over the poor treatment I received from Australian men.  I am writing this blog to prove you wrong as I did have fun living in Sydney and lots of it.  So f’in much fun my face is permanently damaged from all of the laughing and smiling I did during my stint in Sydney.  For anyone who is looking to take a vacation there, please feel free to check out my top all time Sydney picks for things to do and also feel free to let me know what you thought of them, assuming you made it down under.

 MacKenzie’s Top 10 Things to do in Sydney

1.    Local barbeque – Throw some shrimp on the Barbie and grab a Tooheys at your Sydney mates’s house bbq.  If you are lucky you will see grown ass men with no gear on shaking their wieners at each other and digging holes in the yard to stick their wieners in.  Don’t forget to watch your cornhole as while these type of men claim to be hetero, but I am just not convinced. 

2.   Get wasted at the Opera House Bar – Now this is an absolute must.  As soon as you have checked in to your room and chucked your bags in the corner, jump in a cab and tell them you want to go to the Opera House Bar.  It is a Sydney icon and every cab driver will know exactly where to take you.  If they don’t, well f’ em and find another driver.  Once you are there steal the table that is closest to the harbor and start getting on the piss.  This is a lovely spot to take in views of the Opera House and harbor, watch Sydney’s men and women stay as far away from each other as possible, and get blind drunk. 

3.  Head out to Bondi Beach – While sharks have had a few visits to Bondi Beach, you are much more likely to see a plethora of Irish and English people who are bright red due to their stupidity of not covering their ghost white skin with the 50 + sunscreen that every chemist in Australia sells.  If you happen to visit Bondi on Christmas day, you are in for a real treat.  Inevitably an Irish or English tourist or several of them will drink to many Tooheys in the hot sun and then decide to go for a swim.  As we all know, the Irish and English don’t spend much time in the ocean and are completely unaware of its powers, especially when they are on the piss.  The combination of these factors makes a rogue riptide dragging one of these drunk characters out to sea a common occurrence on Christmas day.  When this happens you will get to see the Bondi Lifesaver’s in action in their budgie smugglers.  True that! 

4.  Go to an AFL game – What the hell is an AFL game?  Well imagine 30 some odd guys running around in short shorts with no rhyme or reason to their movements.  This is a sport that doesn’t have ANY strategic plays.  It is a complete free for all and the “players” run around for a good hour and a half or so trying to kick a ball through the opponent’s goal post.  If I had to compare this sport to any other sport, I would say it is a combination between soccer, football and hanging out at the Abbey in LA (gay bar).  You will have a blast watching these guys run around in their short shorts with zero plans of what they or anyone else will do next. 

5.  Take the ferry to the Manly Beach – Next to Bondi, Manly is Sydney’s most famous beach.  It is located across the harbor to the North.  You will most likely board your ferry from the Circular Quay and will arrive in Manly after about thirty minutes.  Spread your towel out on this pristine beach with all of the amenities and soak up some rays while watching little 8 year old blonde boys shred up the surf on their boards.  When you have had enough of the blazing hot Australian sun head across the Corso to the infamous Manly Wharf Hotel.  This is a prime location to sit indoors or outdoors and enjoy views of the wharf over frosty mugs of Tooheys.  The crowd varies, but you are sure to see plenty of quintessential paralytic bogans  in short shorts and work mens’ boots. 

6.  Go out for a night in King’s Cross, aka, The Cross – The Cross is Sydney’s version of a red light district.  Unlike most red light districts it is pretty damn safe and jam packed with late teens and twenty somethings looking for a good time.  This area is full of pubs and nightclubs so you are sure to find some place to your liking to hang out for an all-night dance party  as the clubs close at 6 AM.  Cross people are usually on coke and ex so if that is your thing, feel free to indulge.  You will fit right in. 

7.  Tour the Western suburbs – In Sydney there are four distinct areas, the Northern beaches, the Eastern Suburbs, the Western suburbs, and the Shire.  I recommend visiting the Western suburbs as that is where all of Sydney’s white trash population, aka bogans live.  The Western suburbs are a stark difference to the rest of Sydney as they are shockingly ugly and water views are non-existent.  It is no surprise that this is where white trash would migrate to.  You will be pissing yourself after seeing numerous business in the front , party in the back bogans. 

8.  Visit the Boy Charlton Pool in the Domain – This is Sydney’s famous gay pool.  If you want to swim some laps and watch gay guys lathering each other with sunscreen and saying sweet nothings to each other in lispy Australian accents, this is your cup of tea.  The pool’s truncated name is the “boy.”  This name will have a whole new meaning for you after your visit. 

9.  Get your party on in Darling Harbor – Darling Harbor is lined with cool restaurants and bars which makes it the ideal location to have a late dinner followed by copious amounts of booze.  Bar hopping is easy peasy here as there are tons of options depending on what you are in the mood for.  If you can’t wait until the evening to get your drink on, this location is also hopping during the day.  Bungalow 8 is always a good choice, but watch out for all the wankers that think they are just too cool. 

10.  Play “Spot the Aussie Boy” –  Grab all of your girlfriends and organize a day of playing “Spot the Aussie Boy.”  What this game entails is covering as much ground in Sydney as possible in order to hunt down Aussie males.  After you find a guy, you slap a sticker on his back that says, “I am an Aussie male prick.” 

This is by far and away MacKenzies top pick.